nothing & everything

Yo man! Sorry to hear that you are in the hospital. I can't do anything besides wishing you getting well soon. I'm sure that you are gonna be alright but anyhow, I hope you are recovering fast. You must be able to go to PP, ok? Hope to see you guy there!

Anyway, I'm here to say that I'll be going to PP in a few days' time. Still no sure when exactly I'll go back yet, but I know that it's gonna be soon. On top of that, I won't be able to check this blog so often. This is so sad! I'm gonna miss it a lot. Anyway, I gotta go now. All the best to everyone (including me) :)

I don't want to care anymore. It's me and it's always me. It's up to u all to think whether it's acceptable or not. If it's not and I deserve to be alone, yeah... I'll be alone then...

I don't want sth great... I don't want sth fancy... And I don't want anyone to say I'm the best or sth. I just don't like to do sth that I hate, and I want to do sth that I like. I don't know why I hate, and don't know why I like. It's just that I hate it. Yeah, I'm troublesome, I think a lot, but I never want everyone to say that I'm the best. Perhaps I'm seen as perfectionist... perhaps I'm seen as wanting to do sth fancy, but it's all not because I want anyone to say I'm the best.. it's just that I want to do those things, and I like those things....

Guess what? Now I'm at the crossroad of whether I should visit PP before new semester starts or not. I've already promised my friends and my parents that I would go back no matter what, but now I'm still not sure about it. Ok! Look! It's not that I don't want to go back. The reason I'm staying here for quite a long time is because I want to handle my FYP. By handle, I refer to that I want to properly settle everything ready to begin anytime soon. In other words, i want to find a new topic and get approval from my supervisor. Hence, I stay here seeking and researching for new topic. Many of my friends are up to me ask me how it is like and when I'll go back. All the time, I can only say that I'm still not sure about it and I'm still working on it. However, I have to admit that it's not really true. Yeah, I've been working on my FYP but I'm getting bored of it more and more as the time passes. Within 24 hours, I would spare only 1 or 2 hours for my work while the rest are used for entertainment and stuff. I feel guilty with myself but I don't know why it's so hard to get my work done. I don't know! I feel more and more guilty day by day. I have so many things on my list that I want to do, but when one stupid work is not done, I have no mood to do any other as well and I end up not doing anything at all but watching movies. How stupid I am! You really dunno how guilty I feel right now. I told myself that I would go back on 28th but until now, I haven't settled my work yet. It's still undone and I'm almost at my limit now. I think the problems lie upon me myself. I'm too troublesome and I'm afraid of many things and as a result, I can't make up my mind on anything. If I have to go on 28th, it means that I have only 1 week left. I don't know if it's enough for me to settle everything or not. I don't know if I should continue staying here and saying sorry to my friends or going back and forget about all these stuff. You know what? Staying here is not bad at all. I got everything and I can do my work. But why I want to go back? There are 2 reasons. One is that I miss my friends over there. Two is that I don't want to pretend that I'm doing my work anymore. I think that going back and fully enjoy it may make me more happy than staying here doing nth but pretending like I'm still doing it. I don't know! Sometimes, I wish that if there is someone drawing a path for me to walk, perhaps it's gonna be great for me as I don't have to make any decisions on my own. Sigh!! I hate myself so much!

I never imagine that I would hate the stupid final year project this much. It was about one year ago that many people were complaining about their projects. They said that that hated it so much. I was wondering why everyone was like that. "Isn't project supposed to be fun to do it?", I thought to myself. However, I finally get to know the feeling now. I really really hate it very much. I loathe it to the core. Yeah.. It's supposed to be fun actually. Getting to develop a project and at the end of the day, u would be rewarded if you are hardworking enough. But is it so? No, it's not! Absolutely not! It's stupid and it's totally frustrating. Not that you can't do the thing that u want to do, but the thing that you want to do happens to be too small or even too big to do it. The thing that you want to do may have already been developed by other people and when you can't find many points to improve on it, you can't take the topic. Ok! You don't care and you want to do it? Go ahead if you feel that you can tolerate all the critics thrown by the examiners and lecturers. Many of us went to see the lecturers to search for the idea for the project with the hope that we could get some idea to help us moving on, but at the end of the day, all we got was a question from them "what do you want to do?". Then why the heck should we go to see them at the first place? Aren't they supposed to have more experiences than us and can discuss with us about our problems? When we choose a topic that is big, they don't approve it claiming that we won't be able to finish it. Yet, when we choose sth small, they ask us "is it what you call final year project?" Ok ok.. go for sth in between.. Sth that is not too difficult and not too easy, but then u find out that the project is already existed so you need to add sth. You need to crack your head again trying to find improvement and the idea keeps on flowing into you and it becomes big again. Very very stupid indeed! You know why they dun let us do a big project? Because they think we are stupid and we can't finish it. Come on! Look at the world! They are moving so damn fast right now. They are talking about making 3D games and animations, not making a 2D rectangle anymore. They should at least look at the students' potential and trying to help them. Isn't it what supervisor supposed to do? Or they just sit there for fun and asking u back "what is your idea?" every time we ask them for idea? Or they are just there to correct our paperwork? I had a great ambition. I wanted to do sth big, real big, but then I got demotivated when all the lecturers treated this final year project as a class project. Then I thought that why I should bother about it. I told myself to pick anything and do it since it's what they want since the first place. Then later on, I get so damn bored with it and can't move on. It's not my skill and ... well... my bad anyway. I'm not a good student. I dun study hard enough and that's why my skill is not that good and it turns out that many things are just not my skill. I was hoping that my supervisor can give me better idea and help me out of it, but it turns out that she really has no idea. Then what? Changing the topic came into my mind. Then it repeats again! What the hell of a topic should I pick? What if I get stuck with it? What if I can't finish it? The time is just running out. Some of my friends told me that I shouldn't bother about this much since it's just a course. The mark i get from it is no more than a simple course. But some other people (including myself) tell me to get serious with it. Bearing all the critics from the examiners and supervisor is not easy, so whether i want it or not, it seems that making sth good enough to zip their mouth is a good way. Then what? I'm here in the middle of the 2 ideas. Damn it!

Finally, I'm back to my beloved UTP after a few days trip at KL. It was so fun despite that I couldn't be there longer than this. The only new place I've been to is a Chinese restaurant called Dragon-i. The environment and design was very Chinese and the food was damn expensive. So bad that I was feeling a little sick that I couldn't enjoy the food. Besides this, I just went to the same old places like KLCC and Mid Valley. Guess what? I've watched 3 movies during my entire trip. Hehe.. it's really great... and of course, I ate a lot too. I just realise that I spent a lot during my trip. Haha.. Anyway, thanks to Den and Peter for accompanying me. Without both of them, it would be an alone trip of mine. hehe.. Oh yeah! Movie! I have watched 3 movies and I wanted to share wtih you all.

Blood - The Last Vampire: I watched this movie because the actress is my favourite Korean actress. The 3 movies from her that I love are: My Sassy Girl, Windstruck, and Daisy. She usually performs in romantic movies except this one which is action movie. I was surprised when I saw this. Well, the movie is not that good anyway. If you ask me, it's not that recommended. :)

Night At The Museum 2: Wow! This one is hilarious. I laughed since the beginning until the end. hehe.. to those who are a fan of Night At The Museum 1, I strongly recommend you to go for this movie. In my personal view, this is even better than the movie 1. There are more funny scenes compared with the first one.

Drag Me To Hell: I believe you know what kind of movie this is, don't you? Yeah! It's scary movie! Very very very scary indeed. I went for this movie because of that the director, Sam Raimi, is previously the director of Spider-Man. To those who like scary movie, I strongly recommend you this movie. For me, I think the graphics and everything is just so nice. Also, the moral of the story is good, if you ask me.. hehe..

Finally, it's Thursday. It means that I'm going to KL soon. Hehe.. really miss KL after all these times. If you ask me what I have in mind, I don't have any. I just want to go there eating sth nice and watch movie. Yeah! I miss the cinema at KLCC a lot. Hehe.. I'll make sure I'll watch at least one movie when I'm there. I don't know what else I'm gonna do there, so just let's see together. Anyway, that I'm going to KL means that I won't be around checking nor updating this blog for 4 days. Gonna miss it a lot :( But nvm, it's just a while. Hopefully, when I come back, I'll have a fresh and great idea of how to settle my FYP. Btw, just take this chance to wish 2 people. Wish someone the best-est (better than best) of luck for the final exam. Just a bit more and holiday will be waiting for you. At the same time, wish someone else a greatest luck in looking for part-time job. I'm sure that with effort, you're gonna make it at the end. Where there's a will, there's a way!

What the heck! How am I gonna choose a topic then? Stupid stupid stupid!! God! Pls give me sth that is good and can be finished in a short time. If only my skill is better than this, then I would not be here banging my head for nth!! Stupid me!